Easter in Heaven

As I was driving North today to Lacey for a PRN job I have, the sun was shining brighter than I have ever seen. I was soon reminded that tomorrow would be Easter and how could I come to terms with this being a special family day when my Beth is not here to share a card with, to share a piece of chocolatte with, to attend Easter service at church with, to eat Easter lunch with, to paint eggs with and then to eat eggs--YUM. I realized that since our kids were little, as a family we made Easter very special. Yes we celebrated spring, easter eggs, fun but most of all we celebrated the Resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. If Jesus had not died for our sins, if Jesus had not been buried in the tomb and most of all if Jesus had not been Resurrected then there would be no reason to celebrate Easter and there would be no reason to look forward to ETERNITY in Heaven where we will be united with all of our loved ones who have gone before us. Yes I can be sad that Beth is not here but most of all I can be overjoyed that JESUS IS ALIVE!!!! I wonder what Easter in Heaven is like.

So hard!

Grief truly comes in waves. You never know what will trigger it. My cousin died this last week. My dear Aunt, who I am very close to, has been guardian to her neice for a number of years and what grieves me is the fact that my dear Aunt is now grieving in this situation. There is really no way to get away from grief once you have experienced the loss of a child. I hear about a loss of any kind and it brings me back to my grief.

My Beth---she brought a lot of joy into our family. When she died--a light went out. Her sweet spirit lifted us all when we needed it the most. Her outlook on the fun things in life kept us all smiling----animals, flowers, trees, babies, rainbows, rain, snow, friends, cousins, family................ Many times I have wanted to have this same outlook, but recently, I am going through the motions----being happy---when I am really not happy----smiling when my heart is very sad. I know this is necessary but I am most thankful for those people in my life who let me be real---who let me say how it is-----who let me cry when I need to-----

New entry about my grief journey!

God is so good. Grief does come in stages and when an entire family is hit by a tragedy, I believe grief comes at different stages for each person. When we lost Beth, if we (all four of us) had been in the same stage of grief at the same time there is no way that we could have coped. Shock, denial, anger, barganing, depression-----many stages------and if we had all been angry at the same time---this would not have been good. I think each person, depending on age and life's experiences, and where you are at the time of the tragedy-----all determines what grief will look like for you. My husband has already attended 2 (I think 12 week) sessions of Grief Share which he has found invaluable. I have learned some things along side him but I have not yet attended any groups. A few things I have learned after losing my Beth and about grief: "lean into your grief"---------don't try to run from it; there is "secondary grief"-----grieving the loss of what will never be; it is hard "because it is hard"; when I want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head --this is ok because "God is under the covers, too"; "I have felt troubled" but God says "let not your hearts be troubled"--and that Jesus had gone to HEAVEN "to prepare a place for me"-----you see---he knew we would be troubled by loss and he knew our hearts would be troubled and he reassures us and gives us HOPE that there is a place where we will see each other again in HEAVEN!!!!! Wow!!!!!! Thanks God--for once again running ahead for us!!!!

Hope!

I want this blog to be about HOPE. This will be a place of HOPE in Heaven. We need to live our lives in such a way that we don't miss heaven. Each day we need to live like Heaven matters. We need to make choices in light of Heaven. If I live each day in light of Heaven, and make choices in light of Heaven, I believe this changes everything I say and do. My Elizabeth, who died February 19, 2010, has helped me to begin to live out My HOPE in Heaven. This Blog is dedicated to my best friend and wonderful husband of 20 years (08/31/2011) and to my 3 beautiful children and the many things they teach me......................