Wow, I have had some "hard grief" as a friend recently put it. Recently the tears poured out as the pain reached a depth in my very soul that was unbearable and there came a much needed release. People say "give it to God"- sometimes it spills over and we have no choice except to let it go. You see part of the story no one likes to hear is that on the day Beth died I did CPR until the ambulance arrived. Out of sheer desperation I wanted to do anything and everything I could do to save my Beth. My hands were black and blue the next day because I was not going to stop until someone else got there to help. The one thing I have needed to come to grips with is that Beth had already died when I found her. The plan for her to arrive in Heaven was already set in motion and there was really nothing I could do to bring her back. I hear stories about people living after these crisis moments- but her life that day was going to be lived out in Heaven and she would no longer live on earth with me. Accepting that God's plan is so so so so much bigger than I can even imagine is the hardest for me to wrap my mind around. That even though it does not feel good-- He is in Control. The day she was conceived in my womb, her days were written and I could not change this. There have been times when I have felt "peace that passeth all understanding", I have felt "thankfulness" in my heart in a way only God can give. This kind of thankfulness is gratitude and can only come from God---it says that no matter how dark, no matter how uncertain, no matter how bleak, no matter how confusing the situation is--- God is there, God is in control, and He is worthy to be trusted and He will help see me through during the darkest moments. I realized that there is something all of us have in common that we all feel- the saved and the unsaved---that "life is precious". But I am here to say that "Eternal Life" is "More precious" because this is where our HOPE should be----in "Eternity" in "HEAVEN"!!!!
Thanks again for listening.
1 comment:
What your family and our family went through is TRAUMATIC! We all are certainly giving it to God the very best we are able to. You and Mike are courageous, as are your children. I feel the same about Josh and Evan. There is certainly nothing wrong with crying, and don't ever let anyone tell you that it's wrong or time to move on. Our pain is very real, and you never need to apologize for those precious tears God designed for you to cry. You will find that the crying is very mentally draining, but yet in a few days you will feel better and cleansed. Keep blogging! It's therapeutic, and you are helping me and many others with your words! Hugs, Loretta!!
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